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Perpetual Inactivity

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Hello everyone. I bought a new keyboard today so I thought what better way to take it for a spin than to sit down and write something. So here I am, I've got slow jazz playing in the background, a new keyboard to type on and absolutely nothing to write about, and that's the problem.

Have you ever met one of those people who are always doing something? Be it something pertaining to work, or hobbies or just going out and having fun. They're always out and about, always trying to squeeze as much out of life as possible. Well, I'm not one of those people, although I would love to be. I'm sick and tired of myself responding to "so, how's it going?" with "you know, same old." I'm a young man and yet it seems like I'm already living the life of a retired pensioner. Isn't that a little sad?

Of course, another big part of why I respond to that question the way I do might be because the things I actually do in my daily life are most likely of little to no interest to most of my friends. I very rarely befriend people with whom I have a lot in common. I don't know if that's on purpose or not, but generally my friends and I are completely different, from beliefs and opinions to the very fundamentals of how we live our lives. I guess that's what makes those friendships engaging, though. The fact that we lead very different lives make for interesting conversations and insights, but it still feels sad not to be able to bring anything to the table.

My typical day goes a little like this. I wake up, it's most likely already past noon, so I jump straight to lunch and then sit around on my computer, in the evening I might go for walk, then I come back home, have dinner and sit on the computer some more until I fall asleep. Rinse and repeat, the pattern is very rarely broken. Is it any surprise, then, that I find it difficult to talk about what's going on with me? It's probably because *nothing* is going on with me, and I don't know what to do about it.

I think much of it has to do with responsibilities, I have virtually none. No school, no job, no nothing. Thankfully that will change come September, and there's a part of me that says I should cherish times like these where I'm free to do what I want and am not bogged down by responsibilities and put into a repetitive routine. Only problem is that this freedom has indeed put me in a routine of my own making, one that I could seemingly very easily get myself out of, but somehow don't know how.

I know what you're thinking. In a list of first world problems, my problem probably takes the cake by far. But it is what it is, I suffer from an unwillingness to get out and do something new, experience something for the first time. It doesn't have to be the way it is right now, from bed to computer and from computer to bed. It is very frustrating to have a problem with a solution so simple, and yet I can't seem to put it into motion.

Does anyone else ever feel like that? Like they're stuck in a routine that they are perfectly capable of getting out of, yet can't for some reason?

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Blog: Perpetual Inactivity

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absolutely except that ime the unwillingness is fear of vulnerability that new experiences bring and the risk of exposing oneself in order to seek them

but i'm only a magpie, what do i know

Last edited by [PICA], 10 hours ago

Yep. I wake up thinking I want to audition for Naked And Afraid. 15 minutes later I forget about it. Then I browse KAT and do stuff, can't remember what. Then 48-72 hours later I go to sleep. nerd
If you don't feel like changing anything, then you won't. Unfulling.. yes, but it is what it is. But time moves fast and in a year from now you'll think back to this moment of time and you'll hopefully smile and think of all the changes that's happened within that year and you'll remember how you felt right now. think

I know this sounds soooo cliche but everything that happens in life is a helpful life lesson for the future. You'll understand what I mean one day. loveliness

None of that helps what you are going through right now, but remember change is inevitable.. nothing stays the same for long.
Yeah,we all get like that from time to time,thing is,how many of us do actually do something about it?
I can't say much,as I'm now 46,unhappily married,with a lazy indifferent daughter,and I drive a bus.On average I finish work around 22:30,come home,have something to eat,and then spend until about 04.00/05.00 on my pc,watching anime,playing games,or mostly(quite a lot lately)on KAT,reading blogs,downloading,or replying to messages.
In general I don't have a life,but I've been thinking recently I want to get a bike,go see that horizon over there,get rid of this extra bit of weight(its not much,but it showslol) etc etc.
Maybe I'll get round to doing it,and maybe next year,or the yr after,I'll go on that trip to Japan I've always wanted.
It's all there,in the future,you just gotta go and make it happen.
Or so I keep telling myselfdull
to quote Talk Talk "Baby, life's what you make it / Can't escape it"-Well,you can,but I've had my fill of funerals latelyno
Sorry if I sound a bit morose,thats just me,at the momentevil

Last edited by Starhammer, 7 hours ago

All Comments

Remember the effort you put in writing this blog?
And while doing that listen to:
I, too, live the life of a retired pensioner, because I am a retired pensioner. It's really good. To be honest, it's all I've ever really wanted. A little new experience now and then can be uplifting - but let's not overdo it. Also, it helps to develop a taste for fine wines, liqueurs and brandies: I particularly recommend Armagnac, a fine and smooth French brandy.

All the best, brother. drunk
Blastie same here. No job. No school. No research scholarship. Sitting at home and studying. Yuck. I understand you perfectly. But I dont give up hope. The amount of study I'm doing will reap rewards. Of that I'm sure. So I keep going and try to be creative in small, quirky ways to clear the boredom. Like I cook. I write. I sing. I learn new languages. I read non-fiction beyond my interests. Last night I read a geography book. I have absolutely no use of geography but I love reading and it was refreshing. I also like to keep my room clutter-free. I don't want to be sucked in the negative spiral. Make sure you're mixing your innate creativity in your everyday life. I never follow a to-do list or routine. That doesnt work for me. I like to do things in my own way.
Yup, I know that and am not over it yet but work on it. I feel it's a kind of inertia induced by a lack of direction and a tendency to idle. It helps to give oneself a push and change one's mode of life, though one must really be ready for it or else it runs counter to what one deep down prefers - remain at sea and idle - and leads to tension and relapse with its attending self-reproach (and the last thing we need is a guilt trip!).
Also, philosophically speaking, every single moment, every single breathe, is my first and last - thus every moment is new and lost forever. If I keep this in mind when navigating life, every instance spend in this world appears fresh, irrecoverable, and precious.
Perpetual inactivity does not exist - do not judge yourself harshly and stand by yourself regardless of what others may think because you are in fact active in your very own way - only if this way feels seriously worn and tiresome to you, I advise you take another one to regain your happiness.

Last edited by watertiger, 38 min. ago

You should buy a goat. lol


Sorry, it is too early to me for deep thoughts. chuckle
I have a set pattern in life, it makes things a little easier for me.
About 50 years ago, I realized this.
I've avoided responsibility, as much as I could, during my life. My saving grace: I've, always, told myself, that the path I choose, after divorce, is this. No one, ever, went hungry, or had to worry about the rent being paid. No kids. No bills. No responsibilities. Me? Let's not get into the mess I created for myself. But it's my mess, and I embrace it. I wouldn't change a thing.

After watching Peter Pan - c. 1955 - I decided, "The only way to stay young is to never grow up."

Before LAD - Life After Divorce, 1976 - I tried it the Sam Solid Citizen way. Then, I tried it my way. I realized the American Dream and I didn't see eye to eye. I tried the young married man, with a service station, way. I tried if for 6+ years. I wasn't happy. I've gotten more out of life by going to prison, becoming a recluse, doing my thing, suffering with my emotional problems, and realizing that I've led an interesting life - despite all odds. And, ultimately, I've had a happy life.

There is no key for happiness. Everyone has their own conditions, that must be met.

The one thing that I searched for, and found, at age 65, is Unconditional Love. For me, that is what was missing, all along.

Would I go back and insert Unconditional Love when I was 21, married, working on cars in my own service station, and trying for the American Dream, with that one change? Nope! My Saving Grace wasn't born, yet.

Now, my journey is coming to an end. Even with the continuing struggles in my mind, I have what I want - and she is a beauty - My Afrikaans Beauty.

ede - the beautiful butterfly
same happens to me.... life isnt easy as it seems..its gets more n more complicated..
I really want to get out..but some complications never ...
The fact that we lead very different lives make for interesting conversations and insights, but it still feels sad not to be able to bring anything to the table.
I browse kittens when I'm idle and bring them to KAT nerd
or piglet when I'm thinking of you dfblast12.66K
I feel better when I can laugh at myself, I think time being happy is not time wasted, being depressed for so long gives me such deep gratitude even for just a smile loveliness
During her years of mental illness, my friend writes a suicide tutorial and a whole website around the topic of dark humor


Last edited by MoodieMimi, 5 hours ago

I spent a few years basically never leaving the house or interacting with anyone outside my family. Depression and anxiety disorders hit me hard. It took a long time (and MAJOR medication readjustments) to get me out in the world again.
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